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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23657392">We Were Dazzling Once</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ishxallxgood/pseuds/Ishxallxgood'>Ishxallxgood</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Adam (2009), Charlie Countryman (2013), Hannibal Extended Universe - Fandom, Spacedogs - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adam is a horny boy, Adam is aware of Nigel's past, Adam likes beer, Adam loves him anyway, Adam rides that cock, Anal Sex, Author is actually kind to Beth for once, Blowjobs, First Time, Happy Ending, M/M, Misunderstandings, Multiple Orgasms, Nigel is big softie, Post Adam movie, very slight angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:08:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,988</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23657392</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ishxallxgood/pseuds/Ishxallxgood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by Hugh Dancy's 24Hr play <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B92tceyp_Jc/">"We were Dazzling once" </a> </p><p>Adam films a message to Beth at the insistence of his therapist to help him cope with her abandonment. In the aftermath of the message, Nigel comes by and they have a heart to heart which leads to Adam admitting what it was he really wants most.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Nigel (Charlie Countryman)/Adam Raki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>175</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>We Were Dazzling Once</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The play is referenced, and if you haven't seen it yet, you really should :)</p><p>Thank you <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/house_of_lantis/pseuds/house_of_lantis"> house_of_lantis</a> for looking this over for my</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Adam stared at the glass in front of him. He could do this. Dr. Lecter said it would be therapeutic; help him find closure. Placing the phone onto the stand he twisted off the cap and watched the dark, heady liquid fill the glass. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had never been one for beer before. His father and Harlan had always drunk Miller Genuine Draft, and it had tasted like bitter, carbonated water to him. He never quite acquired a taste for it, preferring the gentle tang of a gin and tonic more. California had changed all that. California had introduced him to a world of craft beers. Things that had taste and body, and he found that he particularly liked stouts. Especially chocolate oatmeal stouts, but this wasn’t about the beer. This was supposed to be about him and Beth, and maybe the beer. Dr. Lecter had said the beer would help. Taking a sip and licking the foam from his upper lip, he was inclined to agree. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Only he didn’t know how to start, so he started with the date. The date and the reason, and then the place. The words started tumbling out of his mouth until he realized what it is he was feeling. He missed her, and he had loved her, and now, he was here waiting for her. She wouldn't come though, it was foolish to think that she would, but he couldn't help but hope when the front door rattled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Beth?" He called out towards the door, "is that you?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The silhouette of a tall man entered his line of sight and Adam breathed the name Nigel before abruptly springing to his feet. "No, no, no," he chanted, knocking over his phone on the way to the screen door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Nigel!" Adam exclaimed, just as the man sauntered into the living room. His eyes darted between the man and the television. He breathed a sigh of relief when he noticed that it had idled while he was recording his message and was currently flashing the home screen and </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> the video he had been casting from his phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam hurried back out to the deck to retrieve his phone and his beer. By the time he made it back to the room, Nigel had dropped down onto the couch with a raised eyebrow at Adam's reappearance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hello, gorgeous."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I wasn't expecting you," Adam blurted out, shoving his phone into his pocket clutching desperately at the glass in his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, I'm sorry, do you need me to leave, darling?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam flinched, fingers tapping nervously at the glass when Nigel made a move to get up. He didn't like the idea of Nigel leaving. "No, please stay." Adam forced his hands to still, his feet to move. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Would you like a beer?" He offered, setting  down his glass before hastily making his way towards the kitchen. "I only have stouts, though. I know you prefer ales, and if I had known you were coming by, I would have picked up that IPA you like."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn't wait for Nigel's answer before pouring. If Nigel didn't want it, he'd drink it himself, but Nigel wanted the beer. He graciously took it with a smile that made Adam flush. He tried really hard to </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> think about the porn he had paused before sending his message to Beth. He had tried really hard </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> to compare the way the actor's hair fell into his eyes to Nigel's. He tried really </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> hard </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> to pretend that the actor</span>
  <em>
    <span> was</span>
  </em>
  <span> Nigel, and that </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> had been the one under him being fucked into oblivion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'll drink anything you offer me, gorgeous," Nigel said, breaking him from the thoughts he was desperately trying </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> to have. "I'd even drink a bud."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh," Adam said, a ghost of a smile playing on his lips, "I didn't know you were into watersports."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nigel coughed, choking on his beer as his eyes shot open wide. "Excuse me, what!?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam managed to keep the smile off his face as he took the seat next to Nigel. "Harlan says that Bud is essentially piss in a can. If you wanted to ingest urine, I feel like there are better options out there than bud."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Like what? Your cock?" Nigel mumbled under his breath, and if Adam hadn't been right next to him, he would have missed it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam smiled broadly, taking a sip of his beer as he leaned back into the couch. Watching the way Nigel watched him lick the foam from his lips. “I’m joking, Nigel,” he said with a laugh, “I’m not at all comfortable with the idea of urinating on you, but if you really wanted to-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to have to stop you right there, gorgeous,” Nigel said, taking a long draught of his beer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay good.” Adam breathed out slowly, glad that Nigel had no desire to participate in watersports. They sat in amicable silence, quietly drinking their beers as they watched their reflections on the television.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So,” Nigel said when his glass was empty, “what was all that about earlier?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I was in the middle of recording a message to Beth."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Your ex? The crazy bitch who left you the night before you were going to leave?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam frowned, fidgeting with the empty glass in his hands. He didn't like it when Nigel talked about Beth that way, it wasn't very nice, but he also wasn't wrong. "I miss her," Adam admitted, staring hard at the residual foam. "I miss the intimacy of being with someone. Of sharing a space with someone. It's strange being here, alone, when she was the one who helped me get this job, find this place."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nigel was quiet next to him. It made Adam uncomfortable. Nigel was never quiet. He was loud and aggressive and always knew the right things to say to make Adam feel better. He wasn't saying anything now though, just staring at him silently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam sighed. "After my dad died, I had trouble sleeping. It was too quiet in the apartment and I felt… </span>
  <em>
    <span>alone. Abandoned.</span>
  </em>
  <span> When Beth came along, it was better. Sleeping </span>
  <em>
    <span>with</span>
  </em>
  <span> her helped, it kept the nightmares away."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You have nightmares?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I did. After my father died. Now, they are more like dreams, where I get everything I wanted."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh yeah? And what's that?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well in this last dream, I believed I could fly, so I stepped off the golden. Nobody cried. Nobody even noticed. I saw them standing right there, and I kind of thought they might care."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's terrible, darling," Nigel said, taking the empty glass from him, setting them aside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"When I told them to Dr. Lecter, he said they seemed more like nightmares to anyone who might care. He also said he used to have nightmares like that too, back when he used to profile for the FBI. He'd be drowning inside his own head, hoping, praying, that someone would come save him, but they never did. He'd wake up disoriented and drenched in sweat until he found his paddle."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I could be your paddle."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You would be my paddle?" Adam asked, eyes wide. No one had ever offered to be his </span>
  <em>
    <span>paddle, </span>
  </em>
  <span>a clutch for stability in an unstable world, before. Not even Beth. Beth happened by chance. He had pursued her on Harlan's insistence, and she was difficult, </span>
  <em>
    <span>demanding. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Their relationship was skewed, tilted. They rotated along an axis which favored her and what </span>
  <em>
    <span>she</span>
  </em>
  <span> believed he should be like. Instead of acceptance, she had attempted to change him, mold him into a version of himself that </span>
  <em>
    <span>she</span>
  </em>
  <span> wanted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I would be whatever you needed me to be." Nigel was closer now. Adam could feel the heat of him burning a line up his side. If he wanted to, he could reach out and touch him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What do you mean why?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why go so far for someone like me?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nigel frowned. Adam couldn't read his expression, didn't know what the frown meant. Nigel looked upset, but he couldn't quite decipher if it was a sad upset or an angry upset, or something else entirely.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Someone like you,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Nigel scoffed, sweeping a hand through Adam's hair, tucking the ends behind his ear. "Adam Raki, you are </span>
  <em>
    <span>extraordinary.</span>
  </em>
  <span> They should be worshiping at the shrine of your feet. What I would do to change the way that you see yourself, you'd see that they don't deserve you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And you do?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Fuck, no," Nigel said, withdrawing his hand. "I most definitely don't deserve you, darling. You are the sun. A fucking angel, and me? I'm scum, I'm nothing, I'm a pathetic man who can’t even die right, but I would spend every breath that I had worshiping</span>
  <em>
    <span> you."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not worthy of worship,” Adam said, staring down at his empty hands. He wanted another beer. He wanted to crawl up onto Nigel’s lap and hold on to him forever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are worthy of so much more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam smiled weakly, fingers tapping against his thighs. “Not to Beth, I wasn't.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck that bitch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't think she would want that right now, besides, I can't because she's not here," Adam replied, lifting his head to look at Nigel, the smile falling from his lips. "But that's not what you meant. She's not a villain you know."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No, she just fucking left you when you needed her the most."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's not fair, Nigel. She was just scared. I get it. I was terrified too, but this was a new life for </span>
  <em>
    <span>me. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She still had her family in New York, her father was still in prison, there were so many things happening for her that she couldn't handle a move across the country. Beth and I think differently, do you know the story of Pandora’s box?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, something about releasing all sorts of calamity into the world and closing the fucking box before hope could be released.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, exactly,” Adam said, shifting so he could focus on the way the tattoo on Nigel’s neck danced whenever he swallowed. “I’ve always thought it was something fucked up and bad, because humans need hope.” Nigel nodded in agreement and Adam sighed. “But Beth, she thought that hope was a bad thing. She felt like it kept us locked in bad circumstances and left us trapped.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well ain’t that fucking dark.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam laughed. “Yes, I thought so at first too, but I don’t see it like that anymore. I see it as strength. A part of me still hopes that she’ll turn up, but even if she doesn’t, I think I’m okay with it now. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, but for me it was everything.” Adam glanced down at his empty hands again, bottom lip caught in his teeth. It was strange, talking to Nigel about Beth. There were so many things he wanted to say, so many things he wanted to clarify, but Nigel, Nigel was just a friend. Nigel wasn’t interested in him </span>
  <em>
    <span>like that.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just, I just miss </span>
  <em>
    <span>having someone, </span>
  </em>
  <span>know you?” He continued when Nigel remained silent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have me.” Nigel’s voice was soft, subdued. It wasn’t the loud, confident, harsh Nigel he knew and loved. He hated it. This version of Nigel that sounded so </span>
  <em>
    <span>broken.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, but it's different,” Adam said, chancing a glance up at Nigel’s face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Different how, gorgeous?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam bit his lip again, eyes dropping back down to his hands. "I…" he took a breath, terrified that his next words would send Nigel away. Terrified of being abandoned, </span>
  <em>
    <span>again.</span>
  </em>
  <span> "I miss sex."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam waited. Waited for Nigel's repulsion, for him to get up and leave, but it didn't happen. Nothing happened. Nigel just continued to sit there. He could feel Nigel's eyes on him, staring at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's it?" Nigel finally asked, breaking his silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam nodded, fingers tapping furiously at his thighs as his heart pounded in his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nigel let out a laugh. A good laugh. It was boisterous and loud, and when Adam finally mustered up the courage to look back up, his eyes were crinkled and he was smiling so broadly back at him. "Is that all, darling? You miss fucking sex? Oh, darling, I just finished telling you I'd spend every breath I had worshiping you, and you thought I wouldn't want to have sex with you?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam blinked, his brows furrowing in contemplation as he unpacked Nigel's words. It was hard to reconcile what it was Nigel was saying and what he knew of the man. "Yes?" He answered tentatively. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nigel's smile faltered and he gently took Adam's hands into his own. "Why on Earth would you think that, gorgeous?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Because I'm a man?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, so?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So, I didn't think you were interested in men."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Generally, I'm not," Nigel admitted, and Adam's heart sank. "But I'm interested in </span>
  <em>
    <span>you."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh." </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Nigel </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> attracted to him. That changed </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “Would you like to have sex with me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck yes,” Nigel said, releasing his hands to cup his face. “I would like to worship every inch of you, and then fuck you so good you see stars when you come and forget all about Bethany.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Her name is Beth,” Adam said, shifting to throw a leg over him and </span>
  <em>
    <span>finally</span>
  </em>
  <span> crawl onto the man's lap like he'd been wanting to do since the day they met. "But that's unimportant right now." Leaning forward, he pressed his lips against Nigel's, hands clutching at his shoulders, pulling at him to draw him closer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nigel tasted like chocolate stout and stale cigarettes. Adam hated it and couldn't get enough of it. Nigel was everything he'd been dreaming of and more. Kissing Nigel was absolutely nothing like kissing Beth. Kissing Nigel was rough and wet, and the feel of Nigel's five o'clock shadow against his chin, his cheeks, his hands, made the blood rush straight down to his groin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nigel kissed like Adam was the best thing he had ever tasted. While his tongue explored Adam's mouth, his hands were </span>
  <em>
    <span>everywhere,</span>
  </em>
  <span> keeping his promise of worship. Adam squirmed under those hands, and it felt like Nigel couldn't make up his mind on where to settle them. They were in Adam's hair, cupping his jaw, and then trailing down his back. They were groping his ass, caressing his thighs, digging into his hips and gently sliding up his flanks, all the while his lips never broke contact.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was intoxicating. Kissing Nigel. If he could, he would never </span>
  <em>
    <span>stop</span>
  </em>
  <span> kissing Nigel. “Nigel,” Adam gasped, when Nigel broke the kiss to mouth along his jaw. He moaned when Nigel found that tender spot underneath his jaw, tongue laving at his pulse before his mouth latched on, sucking a bruise Adam knew he wouldn't be able to hide the next day. Not that he would want to. He found he liked it. This idea of being marked by Nigel. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nigel's hands found their way under Adam's sweater, under his shirt. They seared a hot line up his body, and Adam couldn't fight the helpless whimper which escaped him when rough fingers tweaked his nipples.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“More,” he begged, and Nigel released him to help him out of his sweater, tossing it carelessly onto the ground, his shirt quickly following suit. The protest for the treatment of his clothes died on his tongue when Nigel's hot mouth trailed wet kisses down his newly exposed skin. He keened, hands pulling at Nigel’s hair when lips closed around a nipple, teeth gently grazing the sensitive flesh and he sucked.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Nigel," Adam moaned, hips grinding down as his hands grabbed at the shirt still covering Nigel's body. “Off,” he demanded, shuddering when Nigel finally released him to pull the shirt over his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Adam gasped, hands finding the thick patch of hair covering Nigel’s chest. This was different, </span>
  <em>
    <span>good </span>
  </em>
  <span>different. Nigel was so wildly different from Beth, from any one else he'd ever been with. Of course the fact that Nigel was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>man, </span>
  </em>
  <span>had a little to do with that, not that he hadn't been with a man before, because he had, but he'd certainly never been with a man like </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nigel.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Nigel was perfect. He was all hard lines and muscle. Deep scars and tattoos. He was the kind of man his father would warn him about, and in another life he probably was. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This</span>
  </em>
  <span> Nigel though, this Nigel was not the other Nigel, the one who snorted cocaine and collected scars. This Nigel argued the luminosity of the stars found within the Alpha Centauri star group while searching for raccoons with Adam in the night. This Nigel was safe. This Nigel was kind and gentle, and made his cock swell in his pants, harder than he can ever remember being. Arousal coursed through his body and he needed to feel Nigel </span>
  <em>
    <span>everywhere.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Nigel must have had the same thought, because the next thing he knew, Adam was being flipped down onto his back. Shoes were being tossed to the ground as Nigel stripped him of his pants, his socks. Another bruise was sucked onto his neck as Nigel peeled his boxers off, nipping his way back up the column of Adam's throat before kissing him again as his hand closed around Adam’s cock. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nigel, Nigel,” Adam moaned, thrusting wildly up into Nigel’s hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got you, gorgeous,” Nigel murmured against his ear, giving him another stroke before pulling back to remove his own pants. Adam took the opportunity to push himself back up, to straddle Nigel again once he was bare. He kissed Nigel again, hands clutching at the back of Nigel’s head, fingers tugging at his hair as he licked his way back into his mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They kissed, hot and heavy for what felt like minutes, seconds, hours, an eternity and no time at all, until he could no longer ignore the hot, hard line of Nigel’s cock against his thigh. Without any preamble, Adam broke the kiss and dropped to his knees, licking a stripe up from the base of Nigel’s cock to the head, before sucking the head into his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh fuck,” Nigel cried out, hands flying down to bury themselves in Adam’s hair, pushing himself deeper into Adam’s mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam momentarily choked around Nigel’s cock, before remembering to relax his airway to take Nigel even deeper down his throat. It had been a while since he had last done this. Ten years, if he had to guess, and he had forgotten how much he loved sucking cock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nigel was tense under him. Every muscle pulled tight as he clung to Adam. Adam breathed heavy through his nose, hands roaming the taut muscles of his thighs, the hard panes of his abs, gently tracing the rough scar that ran along his side. Nigel shivered under his hands and Adam could taste the bitter precome as his tongue circled his head.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh fuck, darling, I'm gonna come," Nigel moaned, hands fisting Adam's hair painfully tight and he redoubled his efforts, swallowing Nigel back down to the hilt as he gently teased his balls. Adam barely had time to shake Nigel loose, pull back slightly so he could taste the bitter tang of his come against his tongue as he came. He greedily took what Nigel had to give, swallowing him down again, drawing out every drop until Nigel trembled, gasping painfully in oversensitivity. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Come here, gorgeous," Nigel said, and Adam gladly climbed back up onto Nigel's lap, arms wrapping around the man's neck. Nigel kissed him, tongue running along the seam of his lips, tasting himself, before diving deep into the cavern of Adam's mouth. "I was supposed to be the one worshiping you, darling."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes," Adam said breathlessly. "Please."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam had dreamed of Nigel draping himself over him countless times. He had dreamed of those hands caressing his body, stroking his cock, sliding into his hole. He had fantasized about this man more times than he could count, and yet, nothing, absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing,</span>
  </em>
  <span> compared to actually having the man on top of him. Every nerve ending in his body sang as Nigel's hands roamed his body, his lips following in their wake, marking him. There was a pause, a click of a bottle and then Nigel was tracing his rim with a finger. Adam shuddered as he slipped inside, gently stroking him as Nigel kept his promise of worship. Adam could have stayed there forever, suspended in space and time, with nothing tethering him except the feel of Nigel inside him, against him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Nigel," he whined, when a second finger was pressed into him, stroking along his prostate, close but never making direct contact. "Nigel, please."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Please what, darling?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Please fuck me, Nigel," Adam demanded, grinding down hard on those fingers filling him up so perfectly. "I need your cock inside me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Fuck," Nigel groaned, teeth clamping around the mouthful of flesh he held in his mouth as he crooked his fingers, bearing down on Adam's prostate. Adam screamed, body shaking as he squeezed his eyes shut, seeing stars. Nigel was relentless now that he finally made contact, and Adam was helpless to his ministrations.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Nigel, Nigel, please," Adam begged, taking Nigel's half hard cock into his hand, stroking it alongside his own. He was so painfully hard, so close to coming on Nigel's fingers alone, but he wanted this cock inside of him, </span>
  <em>
    <span>needed</span>
  </em>
  <span> it. It almost made him regret sucking Nigel off, </span>
  <em>
    <span>almost. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh fuck, darling," Nigel moaned against him, bucking into his hand. Nigel's cock was steadily filling and it made Adam's body thrum in anticipation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nigel continued his assault on his prostate as they frotted, pushing him closer and closer to the edge. Adam whined when he suddenly pulled out, pushing him aside to move out from under him. "Nigel-" Adam started to protest, his words dying on his lips as he was pushed down, bent over the couch. He heard the click of the lube, the tearing of a condom packet before he was scrambling for purchase, fingers digging into the arm of the couch as the blunt head of Nigel's cock teased at his rim.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then Nigel pushed into him and Adam momentarily forgot how to breath. His heart pounded in his chest as Nigel slowly slid in, hands roaming Adam's back as he bowed up into his touch. Adam had forgotten what it felt like to be filled with an actual cock. His toys were great and satisfied him, but nothing beat the feeling of warm, hard, </span>
  <em>
    <span>flesh.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Please," Adam begged, voice shuddering as Nigel bottomed out, body draped heavily over him. "Please, move."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nigel obliged him with a snap of his hips, hands moving down to hold him steady, fingers digging bruises into Adam's hips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam moaned. Pushed back against him as Nigel begun to fuck into him in earnest. It felt so good. Nigel's cock pounding into his ass, lips against his nape, teeth teasing at his trapezius. Nigel released his grip on Adam's hips, hands sliding up his flanks before crossing around his chest, holding him close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam turned, twisting his head so he could kiss Nigel again. He never wanted to stop kissing Nigel, even if it meant straining his neck, twisting his body into all sorts of uncomfortable positions. It was worth it. To taste Nigel, to have him buried deep, pinning him down with his body. Adam protested when Nigel pulled back, cock slipping out as he sat back onto the couch, stroking himself with more lube as Adam scrambled to get back onto his lap. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had to admit, it was better this way, sinking down onto Nigel's cock as his arms locked around the man's neck. He kissed him deep, tongue mapping out the inside of Nigel's mouth as he fucked himself on his cock. Adam set a brutal pace, thighs aching as he chased his pleasure, Nigel shuddering beneath him as he pulled him closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh fuck, baby," Nigel moaned against his neck, arms wrapped tight around him as he thrust up into him, matching his pace. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam was close. He had been close ever since Nigel was fingering him open, but now, with this new angle, with the way Nigel's cock was pressing against his prostate with every stroke, Adam was going to come. Pressing a hand against Nigel's chest, Adam broke free from his embrace and straightened up, sinking even deeper down onto Nigel's cock. "Nigel," he whined, hand fisting his own leaking cock as he rode Nigel hard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nigel's hands smoothed up his thighs, held onto his hips as he pistoned up into him. Driving his cock in harder and faster. Adam's hand faltered, releasing himself to catch himself against Nigel's chest, arms locking to keep himself upright, to hold that perfect angle as Nigel pounded into him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were suspended in that moment, and then he was coming with a scream, cock jerking on its own as thick ropes of come splattered against Nigel's chest, getting caught in his hair. Adam panted, trying to catch his breath as Nigel continued to fuck into him, rhythm faltering as he chased his second climax. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nigel came silently, fingers digging into Adam's hips as he held him down, cock pulsing deep inside of him. A part of him wished that there was no condom, that Nigel was filling him up with his seed, claiming him from the inside. It was a reckless thought, one that he would have to revisit at a later time, after they had both been tested, but it was certainly a thought he was reserving. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So?" Nigel asked, hands trailing up Adam's body to push the mop of sweaty hair from his face. "Forget all about Beatrice yet?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Who's Beatri- oh, you mean Beth," he said, lifting himself off of Nigel with a groan, frowning slightly as Nigel slipped out, feeling bereft. "I can't say that I was thinking about her much while we were fucking, but no? I haven't</span>
  <em>
    <span> forgotten</span>
  </em>
  <span> about her."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nigel's hands fell from his face and he pushed himself up, eyes dropping as he settled on the far end of the couch, far enough from Adam so that they weren't touching anymore. "So that's fucking it, then? Great, just fucking great."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam stared at Nigel, at the scowl on his face, at the gap separating their bodies. He wanted Nigel's hands on him again, wanted to be held, </span>
  <em>
    <span>worshiped, </span>
  </em>
  <span>but Nigel had moved </span>
  <em>
    <span>away</span>
  </em>
  <span> from him. He wasn't looking at him anymore and his hands were balled in fists on his lap. Adam swallowed tightly, anxiety building up inside him. "I don't understand," he said, "why are you angry? I thought- I thought-" the words got caught in his throat, because what if he had made a big mistake? What if Nigel regretted this? What if he</span>
  <em>
    <span> was</span>
  </em>
  <span> repulsed? What if he was going to leave too? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I-" Adam hiccuped, a sob tearing through him, because he couldn't lose Nigel too. Not Nigel. Anyone but Nigel. Nigel had been the first person in his life to not care about his Asperger's. Nigel had been the first person who didn't stop him when he started talking about space. Nigel has been the first person who asked him what </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> wanted, what would make </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span> comfortable. Nigel was supposed to be his paddle, Nigel </span>
  <em>
    <span>said</span>
  </em>
  <span> he would be his paddle. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>couldn't</span>
  </em>
  <span> abandon him too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam balled his hands into fists, resisted the urge to hit. Dr. Lecter said it doesn't help, hurting himself. He disagreed, the pain helped him get out of his own head. It made it easier to think, but Nigel hated it too, and he had already managed to upset Nigel already, he didn't need to upset him further, but it was hard. His chest felt tight and all he wanted was to release the tension. He sobbed again, fists digging into his thighs in an attempt to keep them still.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey, hey, fuck, gorgeous," Nigel said, and then those arms were around him again, pulling him back onto Nigel's lap and he was sobbing against his neck, clutching at his back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You said- you said-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Shhh," Nigel hushed in his ear, a hand stroking through his hair as the other stoked down his back. "It's alright, darling, gorgeous, Adam. I'm not angry, I just thought, fuck, I just thought you were still hung up on that cunt."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam shook his head, salt blooming on his tongue as he caught his wayward tears. "I missed the </span>
  <em>
    <span>idea</span>
  </em>
  <span> of Beth," he mumbled into Nigel's skin, breath hitching. "Of having someone, but you're all I ever wanted. I thought I couldn't have you, that you wouldn't want me like that, and then you let me kiss you, fuck you. And, and-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nigel pressed a kiss against his temple, lifted his chin to kiss away the tears staining his face, wetting his lips. Adam sighed against him, kissing him back and parting his lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm sorry, darling," Nigel said, stroking his face, nuzzling his hair. "I just thought you meant you still wanted Betty-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Beth," Adam corrected, hands carding through the hair on Nigel's chest, wincing as he caught traces of drying come.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Beth," Nigel repeated, scrunching his nose in disgust. "When you said you hadn't </span>
  <em>
    <span>forgotten</span>
  </em>
  <span> her, I just assumed you meant you still</span>
  <em>
    <span> wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> her." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No," Adam said, settling down against the warmth of Nigel, "you asked if I forgot all about her, and I didn't. I don't think I'll ever forget her, but I certainly don't </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> her anymore, especially not when I can have </span>
  <em>
    <span>you."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"You have me darling, all of me, for as long as you want."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Forever?" Adam asked, eyes slipping closed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Is this a proposal, Adam Raki?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adam smiled, fingers tapping idly against Nigel's chest. "I don't know, Nigel, is that a yes?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Forever, darling," Nigel promised, pressing a kiss to Adam's forehead. "Till death do we fucking part."</span>
</p>
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